As Vision Changes, So Does Perspective

In the last entry, I joked about my pursuit of the perfect backpack. Well, I made it back to Philly last weekend and was contemplating the wall-o-backpacks at EMS. I was excited by the external water bottle holders that would allow for dry lab notebooks and the 20% student discount WITH student ID. Which color should I get? I selected green, but it appeared more gray...That's because my second bout of optic neuritis was commencing...while buying a backpack... so that the 31-year-old student could (kind of) fit in. Geez!

Optic neuritis is a swelling of the optic nerve, caused by Multiple Sclerosis. It was my initial symptom of MS and what prompted my diagnosis eight years ago. Within a few hours, I was in the hospital so that I could get the IV meds I needed ASAP. All this during my second week of school. Ugh.

A million things ran through my mind as I came to terms with what was happening, not the least of which was, "what will my professors think of me?" Will they think I'm a slacker? What if I can't drive back to Ithaca or see to do my homework? Will they fail me? Should I drop out of school right now? I was again reminded of my own students' struggles and their emails to me explaining their extenuating circumstances. I'd wondered if I'd been too harsh with them, too "that's the way the cookie crumbles, you should have planned better." My apologies if that was the case.

At some point, I got a hold of myself and focused on the priorities. #1 was to get the medicine so that I could get physically better within a week or so. #2 was to calm down so that I could get emotionally better within the same time period. #3 was to focus on school and how I going to complete my work. (It was a team effort, by the way. My mom read dough rheology articles aloud to me, the nurses overlooked my laptop, calculator, notebooks, and textbooks as they came in to take my vital signs, and Ms. Demaray scanned my Sensory homework. Thanks!)

After listing priorities, I thought about my perspective. I couldn't see very well, yet in some ways MS helps me to see more clearly than I ever did when I was healthy. And these are things from last weekend that I will likely remember waaaay after my year of grad school has concluded: my goddaughter running up and hugging me as I'm bawling, having a hand to hold during IV insertion, eating non-vegan blueberry pancakes from Perkins in a hospital bed, my parents entering the room and not looking torn-up because, really, we're getting the hang of this MS thing.

Heavy stuff. And now, some not-so-heavy stuff...

Top 5 reasons to love your lab partner:

5. He gets your safety glasses out for you.

4. When you ask, "can I tag along with you to the food science club meeting," not only does he say, "yes," but he makes a point to stand next to you during it. (Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the first meeting of the food science club was standing room only!)

3. After you've messed up, like, 6 times and stalled the lab experiment, he finally screws up and causes a slight delay.

2. He patiently teaches you how to use the micropipet because these convenient technologies were not present in college chem labs back in the 90's.

1. He could have been your student, but he's classy enough not to verbalize this.

A Chemistry Teacher Returns to Studenthood...

I recall one of my writing assignments from Honors English my freshman year of undergrad. We were given the task to "define empathy." If only I could get that same assignment fourteen years later, I'd ace it! I've returned to college after teaching for ten years. I am a student who thinks like a teacher. What does this mean? It means I hear a senior undergrad complain to our lab instructor, "there's too much work in here for a 2 credit class." I immediately think, "stop whining," yet I totally agree with her. It means that I do school work from the time I get home from class (5 pm) until the time I go to bed (~1 am), but I don't drink beer. (Incidentally, presently this suits me just fine, as I have no friends in Ithaca.) It means that, after spending hours on a lab write-up and not being in the mood to edit it, I make myself do it because I'd expect that of my own students. In a larger way than I thought, I feel like this year will be dedicated to them, my former students--the ones who love me (yes, there are a few) and the ones who hate me (I think there are a few more of those...). I've held them to a high standard and they've risen. Here's to holding myself to that same standard. I hope I rise, too.

Some funny moments from my first week:

• A sophomore asked me what year I was. I was so caught off guard that instead of saying, "I'm a grad student," I blurted out, "I'm 31 and have taught high school for the past 10 years." She replied, "wow, you don't look it." After hugging her in my mind many times over, I realized it was probably the adult acne that had thrown her.
• Apparently, Jansport backpacks are no longer "all the rage" as they were back in '96. (Though I fully endorse the brand, as the original from my freshman year is still kickin'.) Now there are lots of REIs and some expensive-looking brand with a fancy label (Swiss Army, perhaps?). I'll confirm the brand next week, as I'm going to scour the stores this weekend until I find one to call my own. I'm not kidding. I want to fit in. If I wore Mom jeans, I'd be swapping those out, too. So far, though, I think I'm holding my own fashion-wise...once I set the backpack down, that is.
• When I explained that I had been out of school for 10 years to a fellow grad student who'd recently arrived from China, she smiled and said, "Oh, are you married?" Oh, wait, wrong list, that's not funny :/

So, here's to putting myself in my students' shoes and making this a terrific school year. I heart Harriton. Soon, I hope to be able to heart Cornell. I'll let you know how it goes after I get my new backpack :)

Cheers,
Heather (formerly known as Miss Erney)